rob balucas

Catalyst. Creative. Triathlete. Speaker. Cigar Aficionado. Amateur Behavioral Psychologist. Fresh Spring Roll Addict. Paraplegic at the moment.

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you don’t really care | year 4 update

You don’t really care.

You don’t.

You really don’t care about my races and how I do.

I really care.

See, you don’t really care about what place I finish in; or if I win or not.

But I do. I had really high expectations about a triathlon come back and how I’d surprise people.

But no one really seems to care about how I finish or if I win.

And that’s why I love my tribe.

Last year I had a hidden agenda that I wanted to qualify for either the Kona IRONMAN World Championships or the IRONMAN 70.3 World Championships (70.3 is the half IRONMAN distance).

It was an incredibly silly premise. Before the injury, I was a middle-of-the-pack age grouper who took up triathlon in his 30’s.

Last year I was a 40-year-old paraplegic, with barely 6-months of legit training.

Needless to say, one of my biggest lessons in this process has been patience.

This can also be said for the entire journey of life in a wheelchair.

fast forward to today

Today we are … 21 … days from the IRONMAN 70.3 World Championships in Nice, France. We are also 18 days from the 4th Anniversary of my crash.

To recap, 😉
Year 1 we celebrated with a handcycle ride and a massive Chicken Fried Steak.

Year 2 was celebrated with an amazing milkshake.

Year 3 I nommed on Vietnamese Fresh Spring Rolls, which are one of my top 2 foods (???? tacos fill out the list).

This year, on the Year 4 anniversary we’ll have just landed in France in preparation for the IRONMAN race. So most likely a crepe or something more Mediterranean French Riviera will definitely be in the works. If you have any suggestions, let me know.

I’m getting a little ahead of myself with writing something on the anniversary of my September 5th crash this year. However, the retrospect begins in the month of August. Primarily because I ride the Marin Century bike ride every year in early August which includes the hill I crashed on.

People ask me what it feels like riding that hill and, like all previous years, I tell them I’ve got no energy on it.

marin century ride recap

When I was first in the hospital at Marin General, I was put in an ICU room with a great view of the hill I crashed on. For the better part of a week, I watched the sunrise and sunset on that hill with no ability to sit up, turn away, or move without assistance. I had a lot of time being confronted with that hill and what it would mean to me.

I realized I don’t mean anything to that hill. It’s been here a lot longer than me; and will be here a lot longer than I will be. So I decided that hill doesn’t mean anything to me.

Ironically, I love to ride it. Descending through the redwoods and into Nicasio is beautiful. It is some of the most beautiful riding in NorCal. It’s fast and in my handcycle, I pass everybody which is a rarity for me.

It also included some riding/climbing I thought I’d never see again, including Marshall Wall and Point Reyes

Big, big shout out to the Challenged Athlete Foundation NorCal Cycling Club and Staci for answering the call to ride with me this year! I couldn’t have ridden by myself and they answered the call on short notice after my buddy Peter came down with a case of a sick newborn. (The baby is all better, just FYI).

I rode the metric century (100 km = 62 miles) that also included 3,300 ft of climb. It’s usually the most climbing I do every year.


This year, it was a litmus test for how I’ll do in this coming IRONMAN 70.3 in France. After swimming 1.2 miles, I’ll have 56 miles of handcycle with 4,400 ft of climb, then a 13.1-mile push run.

Let’s see that again .. 4,400 ft of climb.

Yeah.

Buffered by a swim before and a push run after.

So I train:

There’s nothing glamorous about the pain cave, the 100ºF summer heat of master swims, nor my orange headband.

But hey, you don’t care. (And that’s why I love my tribe).

As long as we’re doing it, that’s what you care about.

#teambalucas does france: fundraise update

We are oh-so-close to completing this crowdfund. 82% there!

The plane tickets are purchased, the hotel booked, the transportation booked, handcycle-fixes and upgrades installed.

Like for most of us, making this ask is really uncomfortable to do. But I’ll be damned if every time this tribe says ‘Don’t be silly’ and willingly gives.

And I can’t tell you how much it helps me combat those inner ‘why not’ voices.

So if you’ve been meaning to, but just got busy, here’s your reminder.

Thank you for caring, even though you don’t 😉

 
 

One last note: post images to the teambalucas 2019 page about the support. Comments about the race below. Thanks!

comments from contributors:

“Because you say, work hard and do. . . . . period”

“Thanks for changing my life by getting me into Tri and being a constant inspiration.”

“Stop being a lazy ass.”

“GO Robby, you inspire me! The Alluv Place is proud to support you in your dreams.”

“So proud of you Rob. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to be a part of your incredible journey.”

“So proud of you, Rob! Admire you so much.”

“Congratulations Rob! I will be in Nice racing too and will keep an eye out on Sunday to cheer you on, reach out of you need anything while there. Congratulations also on Kona, and also passing it up until you are ready.”

“You are an inspiration to all athletes out training for something!”

“Go Rob! You inspire many!”

 
 

One last note: post images to the teambalucas 2019 page about the support. Comments about the race below. Thanks!

2019 IRONMAN 70.3 Lubbock Race Recap

I rarely get what I want…
… when I want it.

I went back and read last year’s recap about this race and I was livid at the end of that race. By ‘end’ I mean when I threw in the towel after the 1.2-mile swim and 56-mile bike. I didn’t even start the 13.1-mile run (push). A friend of mine told me she was really concerned about me mentally the days following, with good cause. It’s tough to put in so much work and sacrifice and not finish the race.

The week leading up to this year’s race, I heard Tony Robbins say on his podcast, ‘Most people overestimate what they can do in a year and they underestimate what they can do in two or three decades.’

And this is 100% my pattern in goal-setting. I rarely get what I want when I want it.

I get it AFTER I want it.

Could be ‘right after’. Could be ‘not soon after’. Could be ‘a long while after’.

If I’d just extend my timeline in goalsetting by 200% I’d probably be a constant, consistent achiever. It’s a testament to me about the zen of persistence. Also, it’s a lesson in being realistic.

Why do I bring it up in this post-race recap?

Because I officially finished my first IRONMAN 70.3. I qualified for the IRONMAN World Championships in Kona, Hawaii.

I GOT my goals for 2018 this past weekend in June of 2019.

I qualified for Kona. And I’m not going.

I started coaching this year with Carlos Moleda (5-time IRONMAN WC Kona Champion) and Dr. Ralf Lindschulten at Nexus Endurance. We started with a very specific and measured analysis of my endurance and fitness.

Using that baseline, we set goals. Better said, I set my goals and they set my timeline.

I flirted with the Olympic path these past 10 months and I’ll talk more about that in another post.

But I decided to put IRONMAN 70.3 Lubbock (formerly Buffalo Springs Lake) on the race schedule for two reasons. (1) it’s a well-supported handcycle-approved IRONMAN and (2) it will give me experience on the course I need to complete to qualify for Kona – which is the ultimate goal.
…and maybe (3) redemption.

‘And if Kona is the ultimate goal, then the timeline is 2020.’, said coach.

I COULD go if I qualify, but I would most likely just have a miserable experience because my swim needs more work. That’s not the type of experience I want to spend time, money, and effort to create.

It was really tough to say, ‘no’ in the moment … but I did.

That opened the door for us to go to the IRONMAN 70.3 World Championships! (this is the ‘half’ IRONMAN distance = 70.3, as opposed to the full distance in Kona = 140.6)

The Race

As for the actual race, everything was different this year.

The temperature was 95°F on the day, versus 103°F last year.
The morning had no wind, versus last year with 20+ mph sustained wind.
There was 2 of us in the handcycle division this year, versus 5 last year.

My buddy John is an amazing sherpa, but my girlfriend Erika is an exceptionally detail-oriented person, not to mention we have more room in the hotel with only one bed. For those of you who haven’t met her, she competed on the UCLA Triathlon Team and so having this sport and general fitness in common is an incredible connection for us. Having her there at every transition was special … not to mention she carried my gear.

Most everything went to plan. Except…

… mile 9 of the bike when my hand pedal came off. All I could think was, “I’m not stopping. I’m not having another DNF.”

So I slammed it back on and made it work so I could keep going. Every now and then it would flick off on a hill or abrupt gear change. I would slam it back on and keep going.

And I did it. I completed all 56 miles of the bike. 47 miles with a loose hand pedal.

Major kudos to Marti and Mike Greer, who put have put on this race for 30 years. They have always been conscious of making sure their race is friendly (note: not easier, just accessible) for handcycle division athletes. Though there was ‘new course’ learnings, they do great by us year after year.

2019 IRONMAN 70.3 World Championships

I secured my spot in the 70.3 World Championships in Nice, France on September 6 & 7.

Continued training ensues.
And once again, I need support.

As you can imagine, the cost is going through the roof of what I can afford alone. I have a new list of needs to make a showing in Nice. There’s continued coaching, equipment maintenance/upgrades (new hand pedal), travel, entry fees, and so on.

I’ve decided to create a crowdfund through this site, using PayPal and Venmo, instead of going through the crowdfunding websites that charge in excess of 8% of the funds raised. After all, website design is what I do for a living.

I’ll be posting updates, tracker, comments, and other info to this page: robbalucas.com/teambalucas2019

How else do I say, ‘I can’t do it without you?’ I hate this process. But it works. And every time this tribe says, ‘It’s okay. We want to support you.’ So here I am again. Can we do this?

 
 

One last note: post images to the teambalucas 2019 page about the support. Comments about the race below. Thanks!

IRONMAN 70.3 Buffalo Springs Lake Race Recap

There’s a recent pop-rap song with the line, “I live my life like my blood type: B positive” and I cringe at how dumb that sounds. And I say that as someone who is super positive most of the time.

But what I’ve been feeling isn’t positive and at the same time, I don’t want to rant like a victim to you here. Today I finally broke through my anger with a powerful thought (at least for me in this moment) that I’ll share at the end.

You have Reasons or Results

I wanted to crush my goals this year. I wanted to crush in my races. I wanted to surprise everyone. Instead, I’ve racked up 2 IRONMAN 70.3 DNFs (Did Not Finish) and a flat tire finish at the LA Marathon.

The first DNF at Oceanside, as it turns out, was because the bike shop set up my chain through my rear derailleur the wrong way and it cost me power – which becomes a big deal over 56 miles and 4 hours and 2,800 ft of climbing. Basically, the chain was rubbing across a piece of metal the whole time. I missed the bike cut-off time by 12 minutes. Had I not had the problem with my chain I would have made the cut-off easily.

At the LA Marathon, I popped my front tire while braking on a steep downhill in the first 2 miles of the race. I locked up the brake and the tire skidded across the pavement, burnt a hole in the rubber and it popped. It was so early in the race, and I had every wave of the Marathon coming soon behind me I just figured to keep going as far as I could. I made it 24 more miles to the finish, but much slower than I could have without a flat.

After so much mechanical issues early in my season, I was really ready to have a clean race at Buffalo Springs Lake.

IRONMAN 70.3 Buffalo Springs Lake

The IRONMAN 70.3 Buffalo Springs Lake in Lubbock, Texas is the Handcycle Division qualifier to go to the 70.3 World Championships and/or full 140.6 IRONMAN World Championships in Kona. While it was a long shot, it was possible with only 5 Handcycle racers racing. My ultimate goal was to experience this course, have a solid swim, and stretch-goal to qualify for 70.3 World Championships.

It was the first time I’d be travelling by plane in a wheelchair … and with a very big handcycle and racing wheelchair and medical supplies in tow. I’m now a life-size action figure with a lot of accessories. I will save the air travel story for later. The great thing is, things went off without a hitch and the airport personnel were awesome at every turn.

The Race

The weather forecast was comical going in. It was low 90’s the days leading up to and after the race. But race day was forecast at 103°F.

When we left the hotel at 4 am it was REALLY windy. Turned out the day had 27 mph sustained wind with gusts up to 48 mph. Already things looked incredibly rough.

The Swim

The water temperature was 74.8°F which is warm. Add to that some good chop and current because of the wind and you have really tough conditions. But used to train in the San Francisco Bay on the regular so I can handle this … right?

2nd from the left is me
 

Turns out no. I paused about a quarter of the way thru the 1.2 mile swim to regain my heart rate and breathing and neither would cooperate. I kept playing a game with myself to get 30 good strokes in and I can have a quick pause. Nothing worked to calm my body. My left arm started cramping, I was really hot, and I just had to keep telling myself to get ‘home’ to transition and end this nightmare.

The Bike

I got back to shore where I had to navigate bad pavement in my wheelchair back to my transition area – by rule, I have to push myself. After a decent transition amidst already being frustrated and exhausted, I was off on my favorite and strongest leg = the bike.

releasing the brakes and shaking it out in transition
 

And then .. right out of transition was a hill ala Wildflower Tri but maybe a third of the distance. In a handcycle, it’s the same challenge as Wildflower for a regular cyclist. That was followed up by 5 more miles of really rough pebble pavement. Rural Texas uses this pebble pavement that even in our minivan scoping the course we could tell it was a rough road for much of the course.

The aforementioned wind was blowing North by Northwest so for the first 10 miles of the primarily North/South course I didn’t notice the wind because it was at my back. But then the course turned South into the wind and my average speed went from 18mph to 10mph. It was like staring down a flat road but cranking like you’re on a climb, which it was mentally frustrating. Especially as the day went on and it got hotter and hotter.

The last 10 miles were again just a mental game of letting go of what I expected to do and just doing whatever it takes to get ‘home’. I was really disappointed. I thought I had already missed the swim cut off with a time of 10 minutes worse than my prior 70.3 in Oceanside. I was going longer on the handcycle than I had in Oceanside which had nearly double the elevation.

I was fighting a headache because my headrest sits above my back axle and it takes every bump or crappy road vibration and drives it directly into my head. Most of the time it’s occasional and that’s fine. But the consistency of the pebble roads took its toll in this race. I literally had to take my head off the headrest to be able to focus on the road clearly.

The End

Once I got ‘home’ into transition I decided I was done. My tank was on empty and with the temperatures and climbs in the run, I didn’t think I’d make it. I decided not to go all the way to failure on course.

In the end, only 2 of the 5 of us hand-cyclists made it to the finish line. Turns out, my swim time did NOT disqualify me. If I had only finished, I could have punched a ticket to a World Championships (WC). But even as I sat there in transition doing the math, I decided I wasn’t ready to go. I don’t want to go just to go. And the couple of months between now and the 70.3 WC I was going to improve enough to not be flailing again on the next stage.

2018: DNF

And so goes my full season and first races. A marathon back-of-the-pack finish and 2 DNFs at 70.3 IRONMAN.

I wanted to be the one that surprised people. I wanted to have solid performances to talk about and not this shit I’m writing right now.

expectation is the root of all evil

They say money is the root of all evil.

I say expectation is the root of all evil.

I believe most frustration and disappointment comes from when we get attached to an expected outcome, and then we don’t get it. Usually, the frustration is biggest when it’s from a person. It’s exponentially bigger when the expectation is of ourselves.

I’m my prime example and I’m no better at handling it for being the wiser.

A Week Later

As I mentioned, in the beginning, I had a thought today that melted away all my frustration and disappointment. Here was that thought process:

“I’m ready to just quit. I don’t have to do this.”

“Actually… I get to do this.”

“There are so many people struggling with bigger things than this.”

“I get to do this because there is a tribe behind me who supports me every step of the way regardless of the outcome.”

“And I couldn’t do this without them.”

Which is completely true. I put out a crowdfund to a small group about a month prior to the race because I realized I didn’t have all the funds to travel to this race with all my gear. They put up $2,000 in a week.

I hated asking. Until some of the comments that came with contributions:

“By the way, Rob, you aren’t racing for you…you’re racing for all of us.”

“Keep it up and don’t hesitate to let us know how we can help support you brother!”

“You are an incredible human being Rob. Keep at those goals! We love you.”

Add to that some contributions of time from some specific people:

My friend Kristin and her daughter, Cayla, got me to and from the airport at home at VERY inconvenient hours. They also helped me with race chair training on weekends.

My cousins, the Loefflers, took time from their busy schedule with two young kids during weekend mornings and took me to the lake to swim open water. Daniel also helped do the heavy lifting on a number of occasions and sought out phantom studs in my ceiling.

There’s my competitors in the race: Evan and Daniel. Both Evan and Daniel gave me pointers on training, nutrition, but most importantly travelling with all this gear. I was intimidated at first, to be honest. But I reached out anyway. I find in triathlon, there’s a ton of camaraderie amongst ‘competitors’ that makes me appreciate this sport more.

For both the Challenged Athletes Foundation for the racing grant and Kelly Brush Foundation for the equipment grant!

Coach Matt Hurley at Purplepatch Fitness, who laid out the plan to be fit and fresh on race day and kept my head in the game!

And certainly saving the best for last here: John. Who I know I’m not the only one who’s benefitted from his generosity with his time, flew with me from Denver to Texas. He’s the best friend/sherpa in the business and I REALLY could not have done many of my races without him.

 

This may seem like a redundant theme in my race recaps this year.

So be it.

I’ve found that surrounding myself with great people is one of the few things that really matter in life.

I’ve found that getting over myself and my ego and asking for support gets me what I need and also allows others to give, and they’re ready to do it.

Focusing out and gratitude are powerful elixirs for self-pity.

I wasn’t ready to publish this blog on a positive note until the positivity was genuine, not some platitude of the right things to say. I knew I was there when I was wiping my eye as I wrote.

Oceanside 70.3 IRONMAN Race Recap

Nearly 1,000 days ago – 945 to be exact – I was ready to do my first 70.3 IRONMAN in Santa Cruz. And as the story unfolded, I crashed and life took a wild turn.

Saturday, April 7, 2018 I crossed the finish line at IRONMAN 70.3 Oceanside and completed the goal I set almost 3 years ago.

Race recap: A series of unfortunate events

swim

As before I was hurt, swimming was my biggest hurdle. About every 3-5 minutes of 65 minutes I had this thought process: ‘I may not make the cutoff. They’re going to have to assist me out of the water midway through. I worked this hard to just get pulled in the first hour. That’ll be a shit story to tell.’

But every time I stopped to look around, no one was pulling me out of the water. None of the lifeguards looked concerned about me, so I had to keep going.

THEN, at the last 150 yards, my goggle strap came loose. Then they just straight up came off. And I had to swim ‘blind’. And I probably swam better than the prior 1.1 miles. I finished the swim 5 minutes under the swim cutoff time.

But I knew once I was out of the water, I’d make it the rest of the way – or so I thought…

bike

The first two hours of the bike I averaged just under my goal of 15 mph and I felt fine. Then came 70% of the 2,700 ft of climbing in the next 12 or so miles. Climbing in a TT handcycle is a slow grind. Think 1.2 – 2.5 miles per hour on a ±6% grade. All you can do is find a groove and just not stop. If you stop, you’re all but stuck.

Some people were walking their bikes up the hill and I thought, ‘How nice. If only I had that option…’ It reminded me of riding in the SF Bay Area where climbing is a must and how I had gotten strong in a relative short amount of time before my injury.

After the 3 intense hills I couldn’t find strength to muster my target of 15 mph on the last 10 miles of relative flats.

As a result, I missed the official bike cut-off by 12 minutes and officially I got a DNF on the race. DNF stands for ‘Did Not Finish’. I did however complete the whole course under the full race cutoff time. It’s somewhat of a technical rules thing – I still got to complete the run/push, cross the finish line and all that. No other Open Handcycle Division person made it under the bike cutoff – out of 2 of us.

run

The run was great because it’s 2 loops of a beachfront course with people cheering the whole way. I was long on the run against my goal because of some short, steep hills and narrow course having to navigate my racing wheelchair around other racers on a beach strand.

Crossing the finish line was amazing. I did it. Holy balls. I did it.

Support

As always, it was amazing to have friends there.

Big shout out to Hugh and Rossi! My coach, Matt Hurley of PurplePatch Fitness, had two childhood friends there to cheer and they were my ‘handlers’ for the event. They killed it helping me in transition as well as before and after the race.

And the Freeman family! My college buddy Justin and his wife and kids hosted me for the weekend and made the journey so easy and enjoyable. It was great to get to know Sarah and the kids in the midst of all this. If you’re ever in North San Diego, I highly recommend the Freeman Bed &Breakfast!!
(Uh, for the record, they’re not really a B&B).

If who you have around you is the highest measure of who you are, then I am a better person than I could possibly humble-brag to be.

Operation Rebound

Challenged Athlete Foundation is sponsor of this 70.3 IRONMAN because it’s in their backyard, but more importantly because they support injured veterans through their Operation Rebound initiative. The course goes through Camp Pendleton and military is everywhere as Oceanside is a military town.

I was just a civilian racing alongside some vets with incredible stories of comeback and triumph. It was incredible to be surrounded by heros. It was incredible to be side by side with people who had similar injuries and similar mindsets to not only survive by thrive regardless of it all.

As I say when I speak to groups, “You are not alone. Someone has had your problem before.”

Photo Credit: Rich Cruise Photography

we’re not meant to be alone

If there’s one axiom that I can apply to this experience for you to contemplate, it’s the idea that we were not meant to be alone.

Many times in the week or two leading up to the race, and definitely the 48 hours prior to the race, any time I was alone and had the chance to get up in my head I started getting nervous and anxious. It started having physical effects in the rest of my body.

But the very moment Justin brought me coffee in the morning; the moment I could have a chat with my coach; the moment I was surrounded by other challenged athletes, it just all went away. Anxiety turned into excitement. I put in the work and now it was time to go cross the finish line.

I am a fan of surrounding yourself by great people. I highly recommend it.